Chocolate
by Niacin
Summary: One-shot in which a worried Percy takes Ginny to madame Pomfrey. After what happened with Tom Riddle, she is badly affected by the dementors. She gets addicted to chocolate, trying to fight panic attacks caused by the dementors.


Chocolate

While loudly protesting I got dragged into the hospital wing by my brother Percy. I tried to escape his worried gaze. I was on the point of hexing him with a bat-bogey hex.

"What is the meaning of this," Poppy Pomfrey then demanded.

I look sheepishly at her. "Nothing. I was just leaving," I say annoyed. I felt like I was losing control, of what exactly I was not quite sure.

Percy grabbed my arm. I now saw his face and flinched seeing how upset I had made him. I really had not meant to. "I'm worried about you," he said clearly. "This is not normal. You should not feel ashamed. These dementors should not be here. Black, definitely, should not have been able to breach Hogwarts wards. It's bollocks. Most of all, Lupin never should have given you chocolate."

Percy was not one to scold. Hearing him say bollocks just made me realise that it was bad. "I'm fine," I say. Tears stream down my cheeks. I wanted nothing more than for Percy to agree with me, to act as if I had not just started crying. I really, really hated crying. It made me feel weak. It made me feel as if I had lost all control.

Percy then focused on madame Pomfrey. "You know what happened last year," He says sounding pained. "This summer she was better. Stronger. It's the dementors. They keep reminding her. She started eating chocolate to calm herself. It soothed her every time she was scared. I thought it was fine. She seemed strong again. She needs chocolate to protect herself from panic attacks."

Pomfrey frowns at me. She looks very worried. "It was foolish of professor Lupin to give you chocolate, of course initially it is very useful, as long as you just use it once or at highest a few times. Ginny, please just sit down and try to calm down."

People telling me to calm down in my experience never had helped me to calm down. Sobs racked through my body. I can barely make out a "really, I'm fine."

Pomfrey studies my face. "Ginny, listen carefully. You are sick. It is not normal to need chocolate to feel good. It is not normal to have panic attacks. You need help."

I don't want to face it. I just want to feel good. I want to feel in control. Or I want it all to stop. I don't want to feel the pain. I need control back over my body. I want to stop crying. I want the pressure to leave my head. I want to be able to think normally again. I want chocolate. I want to obliviate them. I want to act like this isn't happening. I want to shut everything out. I really needed a piece of chocolate.

I feel Pomfrey put a cube in my hand. "Ginny, just make a fist. Hold onto it." Pomfrey softly encourages. I hold it so tight I am sure it will be broke when I open my hands. Slowly I feel myself calming down. I am still crying and upset, but the sobs no longer rack my body. I start to feel pain in my hand which holds the cube, slowly and it gets more and more intense. I realise my head hurts and feels like it could burst any moment. And I felt exhausted.

I realize I am holding an ice cube and what I am feeling is pain from the cold in my hand radiating to my elbow.

"Good, you're being brave," Pomfrey compliments. She vanishes the ice cube, feeling I was sufficiently calmed.

Words tumble out my mouth, but they don't come out smoothly, it sounds like something heavy fell down some Hogwarts moving stairs. "I a- am no- ot b- rave. I'm w- weak."

Pomfrey looks at me seriously. "You are not weak."

"N-nobody got af-f-fected like m- me," I say. "No one e- else is in t- the h-hospital for ha- ving panic a- attacks to those dementors."

Pomfrey shakes her head vehemently. "You are not weak. They affect you because of what happened. That does not have to define you. You were tricked and controlled by Voldemort, that's not nothing."

"I-I don't-t want t-to need h-help," I beg.

"I know you don't," Pomfrey says. "Many grown people who went to Azkaban went crazy and you went through a lot last year. You don't have to be ashamed to need help."

 _Black wasn't that affected, I thought, he was so fine he was even able to escape Azkaban._

Percy then suddenly hugs me. "I am so sorry!" For what, I thought. "I promised myself after last year I would look out for you. Make sure you'd be fine.."

I felt bad for making Percy upset. "It's f-fine, Perce."

"No, it's not," Percy blurts out. "I should have realised how tough those dementors would be on you after what you've been through. You just seemed to do so well."

I sniffle.

"I want to help you," Pomfrey said. "You don't need chocolate to not be scared. You are more than brave enough."

Pomfrey stuck out her hand. I grabbed it.


End file.
